Most of us are probably allured by the attractive notion that effortless relationships exist. Whether it is happily-ever-after marriages, or friendships which last forever, or parent/child bonds which super cede the need to understand each other, we'd all like to believe that our most intimate relationships are unconditional and strong enough to withstand whatever may come. However, at some point in our lives most of us need to face the fact that relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive, and that even wonderful, strong relationships can be destroyed by neglecting. Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is “attitude”. Almost all relationships end. More than half of marriages fail. One of the most common, yet least understood, reasons our relationships' fail to survive or thrive is our inability to share true intimacy. At its most basic level, intimacy is me telling you about me.
Our sweet I Love Yous are easy to share — especially near the beginnings of relationships. But that's not what intimacy is about. Intimacy is not the stuff we tell others to get them to like us. It is also not our personal philosophies or experienced understandings. It's not our wisdom or our rules. It's not about facts. Intimacy is sharing feelings.
Our culture teaches us never to tell the negative, fear-based stuff that gets in our minds and rattles around in there — those gut-level, negative impulses — the fearful, angry-making feelings that desperately need a place to go, to be expressed. Instead of expressing our negative sensations, we bury them. We push them down, deep inside ourselves, where they smolder, burn and eventually explode.
A long-term, committed, monogamous relationship is one of the scariest things two human can attempt. Even couples who have been together for many years often fear the commitment to share these deep-down, negative, fear-based angers and resentments. True intimacy is honest and open dialog. It is a new way of sharing that often terrifies us. Most of us would rather do anything to protect ourselves from it. When we feel defensive, hostile or sad, it's an opportunity to learn. Unless we express our deep-down fear statements in a safe, secure environment, they destroy us.
Our sweet I Love Yous are easy to share — especially near the beginnings of relationships. But that's not what intimacy is about. Intimacy is not the stuff we tell others to get them to like us. It is also not our personal philosophies or experienced understandings. It's not our wisdom or our rules. It's not about facts. Intimacy is sharing feelings.
Our culture teaches us never to tell the negative, fear-based stuff that gets in our minds and rattles around in there — those gut-level, negative impulses — the fearful, angry-making feelings that desperately need a place to go, to be expressed. Instead of expressing our negative sensations, we bury them. We push them down, deep inside ourselves, where they smolder, burn and eventually explode.
A long-term, committed, monogamous relationship is one of the scariest things two human can attempt. Even couples who have been together for many years often fear the commitment to share these deep-down, negative, fear-based angers and resentments. True intimacy is honest and open dialog. It is a new way of sharing that often terrifies us. Most of us would rather do anything to protect ourselves from it. When we feel defensive, hostile or sad, it's an opportunity to learn. Unless we express our deep-down fear statements in a safe, secure environment, they destroy us.
We all want to experience better relationships in our lives. For some people this is an easy thing to do. But, for many others it can seem almost impossible to attract the kinds of people into their lives that they can have the kind of relationship that they really desire. Feeling this way can keep someone from experiencing a full and complete life. So, is there a way that you can make sure that you experience better relationships in your life?
Of course there is! There are lots of people who find that they can experience better relationships when they start to feel better about themselves and their lives. If you want to be able to receive something, you have to be able to give it in return. So, you have to be in a position where you feel as though you can provide someone else with what they desire and then you will be ready to receive what you really want. There are many ways that you can begin to experience better results in your life, but you have to be able to at first want to have this happen badly enough that you are willing to change how you think and feel about love and dating and relationships in general. If you already have a very negative outlook, you are not going to be able to feel the romance that you really want in life. You can learn how to attract better results in your life and this includes what you experience in a relationship as well. All you have to do is want to change and start looking for a way.
In the above pages you’ll be acquaint with my personal vie with relationships and when I came to know what actually relationships are all about, then me as well my relations were “not exactly” as they were.
(Salik Khan)
